Meet America’s Next Secretary Of Defense

Gen. James “Mad Dog” Mattis is going to be the next Secretary of Defense, according to new reports straight from the Trump transition team.

So, it would be wise to familiarize yourself with some of Mattis’ greatest quotes and one-liners:

On war protesters: 

“When you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look at him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend because she knows she’s dating a pussy.”

Regarding artillery importance:

“I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes. If you f*** with me, I’ll kill you all.”

On woman-beaters:

“You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn’t wear a veil. You know, guys like that ain’t got no manhood left anyway. So it’s a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them. Actually it’s quite fun to fight them, you know. It’s a hell of a hoot. It’s fun to shoot some people. I’ll be right up there with you. I like brawling.”

On manners:

“Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.”

On terrorists:

“There is only one ‘retirement plan’ for terrorists.”

On people who “just need to be shot”:

“That said, there are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot. There are hunters and there are victims. By your discipline, cunning, obedience and alertness, you will decide if you are a hunter or a victim. It’s really a hell of a lot of fun. You’re gonna have a blast out here!

On writing history:

“I’m going to plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.”

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